I know and talk a lot about the fact that I have low confidence - I am aware that it is a challenge that could become a limiter if I allow it to. I rarely feel that my successes are good enough, long lasting enough, or as extensive as I wish they were. But I had a really great experience yesterday that gave me a real boost.
I have a number of great current and former supervisors who were willing to write me letters of recommendation. I spent yesterday morning visiting with them and dropping off paperwork. I learned that at each of my practicum sites, at least one of my projects has had positive effects beyond my time at the school. The orientation tour at the high school is still going strong - my host librarian said it was a big success. Everyone including teachers, students and administration loved it, and it seems to work well. Given how much work went into it, you can imagine how great that made me feel. At the elementary, I learned that the Storybird lesson that Bernadette and I initiated with the kids got some of them so excited that they have actually started working on their projects outside of library time. How cool is that?
I think that having a consistent environment and the opportunity for sustained reflective practice will tend to increase my confidence. Right now I'm still anxious about getting a job and doing well in it, but I realize that I have been successful in the past, and that in a permanent position I would have the opportunity to follow up and grow on those successes. I know that once I get through the hoops of school and applications and find my way into a library, the process of building a program, helping kids and growing as an educator will be a gratifying process. It was just really nice to get a taste of that as a student. :)
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Saturday, March 24, 2012
As always, life moves itself along. I've been working on my resume and portfolio pretty intensely for a couple of weeks, and I'm finally feeling like it's acceptable. The portfolio will be a work in progress for some time, and I will probably switch to a different web service, but it's at least up where I can point people to it and add my work.
I'm having nightmares about job hunting. I know it's just a manifestation of how nervous I am, but the dreams are pretty extreme. A few nights ago I dreamed that I was chased by a T-Rex (not sure why my brain assigned that particular metaphor) and last night I literally dreamed an entire job interview.
Mike had some good advice for me though. He said, "You didn't go to grad school just to get a job. You went to school to make a difference." So there's no point in stressing about a position until I get to the interview stage where I can determine whether the school is the sort of place where I can meet my goal. I like that. I'm sure I will continue to stress, but it gives me a mental place to step back to and realize that no one job is the end-all-be-all of my career.
The book sale is coming up fast. I spent several hours working on it yesterday. We figure we need about 5000 books gathered, and I estimate at this point we have about 3500. Between that and the school project that's due on April 1st, I should have my hands full.
I attended the Transliteracy, Technology and Teaching Conference at SUNY Albany last Friday, which was good but not nearly as mind-blowing as I'd hoped. What I got the most from was actually using the time between sessions to chat with a few classmates who went. They are both a year behind me in the program, and it was really nice to get their perspective and share mine.
The best session I went to was presented by two academic librarians who identified criminal justice students as the part of their population most in need of remedial research support. They developed a collaboration with a professor, and embedded information literacy instruction into two of four sections of one of his classes. The first semester they did it, pre and post testing showed no improvement in student performance. The presenters went on to explain that they looked at all the factors that affected the lessons - lack of time, lack of computers, a classroom that was not conducive to small group work, and no grading based on IL skills - and worked with the professor to address them. Student performance improved significantly in the second semester.
I spoke with one of the presenters after the session and asked whether there was any reluctance on the part of the professor to repeat the experience when it clearly didn't work at first. She explained that they had developed a sound instructional plan from the beginning, and that it was expected that it would take a few semesters to have an impact. This was a really strong lesson for me. Given how little time classroom teachers have, I could imagine that they might abandon a collaboration if they see it as using class time without benefitting students immediately. Going into it together from the start, with the expectation that it will be a process of refining, with the end product being a really effective lesson that can be used for a long time - this should have been obvious to me, but seeing it in action showed me how powerful it is. I think librarians and teachers are so panicked sometimes by the mandate to collaborate that they don't practice it in its strongest sense.
A few of the other sessions were helpful, including one on cloud-based apps and one on digital storytelling, but they were not revolutionary. I was a bit disappointed that no one addressed digital security or the suitability of apps for classroom use (ie what is the site's privacy policy, do students need email addresses to sign up, how can the teacher manage student work?). I'd like to dig deeper into those issues, especially since Storybird was such a great example of a teacher-friendly app.
I'm having nightmares about job hunting. I know it's just a manifestation of how nervous I am, but the dreams are pretty extreme. A few nights ago I dreamed that I was chased by a T-Rex (not sure why my brain assigned that particular metaphor) and last night I literally dreamed an entire job interview.
Mike had some good advice for me though. He said, "You didn't go to grad school just to get a job. You went to school to make a difference." So there's no point in stressing about a position until I get to the interview stage where I can determine whether the school is the sort of place where I can meet my goal. I like that. I'm sure I will continue to stress, but it gives me a mental place to step back to and realize that no one job is the end-all-be-all of my career.
The book sale is coming up fast. I spent several hours working on it yesterday. We figure we need about 5000 books gathered, and I estimate at this point we have about 3500. Between that and the school project that's due on April 1st, I should have my hands full.
I attended the Transliteracy, Technology and Teaching Conference at SUNY Albany last Friday, which was good but not nearly as mind-blowing as I'd hoped. What I got the most from was actually using the time between sessions to chat with a few classmates who went. They are both a year behind me in the program, and it was really nice to get their perspective and share mine.
The best session I went to was presented by two academic librarians who identified criminal justice students as the part of their population most in need of remedial research support. They developed a collaboration with a professor, and embedded information literacy instruction into two of four sections of one of his classes. The first semester they did it, pre and post testing showed no improvement in student performance. The presenters went on to explain that they looked at all the factors that affected the lessons - lack of time, lack of computers, a classroom that was not conducive to small group work, and no grading based on IL skills - and worked with the professor to address them. Student performance improved significantly in the second semester.
I spoke with one of the presenters after the session and asked whether there was any reluctance on the part of the professor to repeat the experience when it clearly didn't work at first. She explained that they had developed a sound instructional plan from the beginning, and that it was expected that it would take a few semesters to have an impact. This was a really strong lesson for me. Given how little time classroom teachers have, I could imagine that they might abandon a collaboration if they see it as using class time without benefitting students immediately. Going into it together from the start, with the expectation that it will be a process of refining, with the end product being a really effective lesson that can be used for a long time - this should have been obvious to me, but seeing it in action showed me how powerful it is. I think librarians and teachers are so panicked sometimes by the mandate to collaborate that they don't practice it in its strongest sense.
A few of the other sessions were helpful, including one on cloud-based apps and one on digital storytelling, but they were not revolutionary. I was a bit disappointed that no one addressed digital security or the suitability of apps for classroom use (ie what is the site's privacy policy, do students need email addresses to sign up, how can the teacher manage student work?). I'd like to dig deeper into those issues, especially since Storybird was such a great example of a teacher-friendly app.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Vision
As promised! This is the vision statement I wrote for The Leadership Challenge workshop that I took on February 28th and 29th. We were instructed to write as if it were 3-4 years from today, and as if everything had already been accomplished.
"I am working in a school library. I have established a positive culture among my staff, and strong ties with classroom teachers. My library is a source of continuing education for them, as well as a resource for their daily work.
My library provides kids with materials and space to enable their curiosity to flourish, leading to discovery. My library takes a progressive view on literacy, seeking opportunities to support not only traditional reading skills, but media literacy and information fluency. I create opportunities to grow the ability of my students to communicate and learn in a variety of formats. I have orchestrated a significant resistance to the negative effects of overtesting and have enabled teachers and students to meet requirements without sacrificing the inquiry process. I remain active in the professional community.
I am fit; I have completed at least one race per year, including triathlons and an extreme bike race. I am training for certification as either a personal trainer, yoga instructor, or wildlife rehabilitator. I have turtles, frogs, lizards and cats. I camp and kayak regularly. I take pride in my work but accept that I've done my best, and enjoy my personal life."
It was interesting to re-read that after a few weeks. What stands out to me is how much I want to be great at my career and content with my life. I don't know if I'll ever reach contentment, since striving seems to be a component of my happiness. I also laughed when I hit the part about training for an additional certification...one of three very different paths. I think no matter how busy I make my life, there will always be more that I want to learn.
"I am working in a school library. I have established a positive culture among my staff, and strong ties with classroom teachers. My library is a source of continuing education for them, as well as a resource for their daily work.
My library provides kids with materials and space to enable their curiosity to flourish, leading to discovery. My library takes a progressive view on literacy, seeking opportunities to support not only traditional reading skills, but media literacy and information fluency. I create opportunities to grow the ability of my students to communicate and learn in a variety of formats. I have orchestrated a significant resistance to the negative effects of overtesting and have enabled teachers and students to meet requirements without sacrificing the inquiry process. I remain active in the professional community.
I am fit; I have completed at least one race per year, including triathlons and an extreme bike race. I am training for certification as either a personal trainer, yoga instructor, or wildlife rehabilitator. I have turtles, frogs, lizards and cats. I camp and kayak regularly. I take pride in my work but accept that I've done my best, and enjoy my personal life."
It was interesting to re-read that after a few weeks. What stands out to me is how much I want to be great at my career and content with my life. I don't know if I'll ever reach contentment, since striving seems to be a component of my happiness. I also laughed when I hit the part about training for an additional certification...one of three very different paths. I think no matter how busy I make my life, there will always be more that I want to learn.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Dreams and Nightmares
Last night I dreamed about our upcoming book sale. Part of the dream was awesome - we had a huge team of really enthusiastic volunteers! Then it started getting weird - primarily because the books started morphing into other things, like discarded exercise equipment.
We have two weeks to finish getting ready for the sale. I waffle between being super concerned and not being concerned at all. We absolutely need a ton of stuff, but it's really just a matter of identifying it and dragging it upstairs. We're doing pretty much zoned pricing (a $1 zone, a $5 bag zone) so nothing needs to be stickered.
I think my anxiety comes from how uncertain this project has been. Every step, from writing the sorting procedure to recruiting volunteers, has been trickier than expected. The whole project team has been learning as we go. And there's the fact that I really, really, really want to succeed!
So the Bookstore is one of my main focus points for the next two weeks. Practicum is finished (!) so I effectively have about 25 more hours of free time each week to devote to whatever I want. So far it's pretty much been devoted to sleep, but I can feel in a visceral way how much more energy and enthusiasm I have at my disposal. I'm attending the 3Ts conference in Albany on Friday, which I'm psyched about. And I just signed up for a full-day workshop on designing instruction for adult learners.
I'm still nervous about job hunting, but the bit of flexible time means time to work on my portfolio, which makes me feel infinitely better. The whole of my educational and work experience - wrapped up in a pretty package with a bow! It's nice to see that even though I spent the past few years feeling like a crazy person, I have accomplished so much. This blog may become incorporated into the portfolio, and I would like to begin updating more often, and in a way that's more reflective on my practice as a librarian.
Oh! We had a fabulous guest speaker in my Managing a School Library Class and I'm all fired up about the Common Core! Lots more learning to do!
We have two weeks to finish getting ready for the sale. I waffle between being super concerned and not being concerned at all. We absolutely need a ton of stuff, but it's really just a matter of identifying it and dragging it upstairs. We're doing pretty much zoned pricing (a $1 zone, a $5 bag zone) so nothing needs to be stickered.
I think my anxiety comes from how uncertain this project has been. Every step, from writing the sorting procedure to recruiting volunteers, has been trickier than expected. The whole project team has been learning as we go. And there's the fact that I really, really, really want to succeed!
So the Bookstore is one of my main focus points for the next two weeks. Practicum is finished (!) so I effectively have about 25 more hours of free time each week to devote to whatever I want. So far it's pretty much been devoted to sleep, but I can feel in a visceral way how much more energy and enthusiasm I have at my disposal. I'm attending the 3Ts conference in Albany on Friday, which I'm psyched about. And I just signed up for a full-day workshop on designing instruction for adult learners.
I'm still nervous about job hunting, but the bit of flexible time means time to work on my portfolio, which makes me feel infinitely better. The whole of my educational and work experience - wrapped up in a pretty package with a bow! It's nice to see that even though I spent the past few years feeling like a crazy person, I have accomplished so much. This blog may become incorporated into the portfolio, and I would like to begin updating more often, and in a way that's more reflective on my practice as a librarian.
Oh! We had a fabulous guest speaker in my Managing a School Library Class and I'm all fired up about the Common Core! Lots more learning to do!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Getting closer to the "real world"
And dealing with realities I haven't had to face in quite a while.
I will openly admit that I am fearful about job hunting. I think the primary reason for that is that I'm not as mobile as many of my classmates - I really hope to be able to stay in the general area. So that raises the stakes of any particular job opportunity.
The other factor is that I haven't even started my portfolio. To some extent that's been a consequence of spending so much time on the things that ultimately go into the portfolio...but it doesn't make it any less scary to see my classmates beginning to apply for jobs, and feeling as though I'm unprepared to do the same should an opportunity arise.
I'm also still plagued by the thought that I haven't done as much as I wanted in any area of my life - I always wish that I had been more engaged in my classes, more active at practicum, more effective at work. I'm not great at ever saying that the amount that I've done is enough.
Putting all of that aside, there is a larger fear. Returning to school to finish my bachelor's degree represented a kind of rebirth for me. I was pulling myself out of a rut that I'd fallen into since graduating from OCC. Working toward the goal of finishing college, then getting into graduate school, then doing well there has all energized me and engaged my passions. I am to the point where I will be relieved and excited to finish school, but I'm nervous to no longer have that set of hoops to jump through. I'll have to find an acceptable balance for myself, which historically I have not been good at. Hopefully I've matured some.
Anyway, in practical terms, things are going well. I have three days left at my practicum site. I feel guilty for not staying longer, but due to all of the things mentioned above, I think it's important that I begin preparing for my next step. I've gotten a ton of great experience with kids and with teaching, which is all I ever hoped for from this practicum. I have a to-do list a mile long, but if I'm diligent I think I can position myself pretty well over the next few months.
PS Unconnected from the rest of this post, but occurring to me now, is the fact that Mike and I took a leadership seminar together last week. One of the activities was to draft a vision for 3-5 years into the future. Mine was over a page long - his was two sentences. I may post mine, because it is all stuff that I believe in and that is important to me. But when it comes down to it, particularly where the job hunt is concerned, all I want is a job where I can make a difference and support myself. That's all I ever wanted when I left the frame shop to go back to school, and I suppose it's reassuring that the goal is still essentially the same.
I will openly admit that I am fearful about job hunting. I think the primary reason for that is that I'm not as mobile as many of my classmates - I really hope to be able to stay in the general area. So that raises the stakes of any particular job opportunity.
The other factor is that I haven't even started my portfolio. To some extent that's been a consequence of spending so much time on the things that ultimately go into the portfolio...but it doesn't make it any less scary to see my classmates beginning to apply for jobs, and feeling as though I'm unprepared to do the same should an opportunity arise.
I'm also still plagued by the thought that I haven't done as much as I wanted in any area of my life - I always wish that I had been more engaged in my classes, more active at practicum, more effective at work. I'm not great at ever saying that the amount that I've done is enough.
Putting all of that aside, there is a larger fear. Returning to school to finish my bachelor's degree represented a kind of rebirth for me. I was pulling myself out of a rut that I'd fallen into since graduating from OCC. Working toward the goal of finishing college, then getting into graduate school, then doing well there has all energized me and engaged my passions. I am to the point where I will be relieved and excited to finish school, but I'm nervous to no longer have that set of hoops to jump through. I'll have to find an acceptable balance for myself, which historically I have not been good at. Hopefully I've matured some.
Anyway, in practical terms, things are going well. I have three days left at my practicum site. I feel guilty for not staying longer, but due to all of the things mentioned above, I think it's important that I begin preparing for my next step. I've gotten a ton of great experience with kids and with teaching, which is all I ever hoped for from this practicum. I have a to-do list a mile long, but if I'm diligent I think I can position myself pretty well over the next few months.
PS Unconnected from the rest of this post, but occurring to me now, is the fact that Mike and I took a leadership seminar together last week. One of the activities was to draft a vision for 3-5 years into the future. Mine was over a page long - his was two sentences. I may post mine, because it is all stuff that I believe in and that is important to me. But when it comes down to it, particularly where the job hunt is concerned, all I want is a job where I can make a difference and support myself. That's all I ever wanted when I left the frame shop to go back to school, and I suppose it's reassuring that the goal is still essentially the same.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Practicum
The speed of life is the theme of life.
In only five weeks, it feels like a lifetime has passed. I have completed the majority of my second practicum - I have about 40 hours remaining and I should be done on March 8.
I have finally gotten my "trial by fire". The past five weeks have been spent primarily in teaching classes. I've gone from shaky and nervous to...better. Still kind of uncertain about what to do when problems come up, but much less apprehensive about getting in front of a class. I've learned a lot about how much material kids can handle in a class session, which has been a help to me as well. I no longer feel like I need to go crazy memorizing my notes in advance.
The school I'm in is a real challenge. Classes are large, and because of the demographics of the district, it's rare to have a class without at least 3 or 4 difficult students. I'm constantly dealing with bullying, backtalk, tantrums, and unwillingness to participate. It's all good experience, but I don't feel like I'm making a ton of progress with the kids, and I'm not convinced that I'm cut out for a city school.
What's interesting though is that seeing kids in their "natural habitat" (yes I just said that) I don't hate them. In most other contexts, I'm just not a kid person, but being on their turf I seem to be able to relate to them. I'm hoping to set up some shadowing experiences at other kinds of schools so that I can observe a wider variety of students.
It's been a good experience. It's sometimes fun, and often stressful. I find that as an intern, I appreciate the fixed schedule - it makes it easier for me to stay on top of things and plan. I may feel differently when I have my own library, but I feel like the fixed or hybrid schedule at least gets the kids into the library once a week. Perhaps a flexible schedule would allow that, but on individual terms, which I would be in favor of. In any case, the fixed schedule guarantees that I see at least 12 classes a week, which has been the biggest benefit of this practicum.
In only five weeks, it feels like a lifetime has passed. I have completed the majority of my second practicum - I have about 40 hours remaining and I should be done on March 8.
I have finally gotten my "trial by fire". The past five weeks have been spent primarily in teaching classes. I've gone from shaky and nervous to...better. Still kind of uncertain about what to do when problems come up, but much less apprehensive about getting in front of a class. I've learned a lot about how much material kids can handle in a class session, which has been a help to me as well. I no longer feel like I need to go crazy memorizing my notes in advance.
The school I'm in is a real challenge. Classes are large, and because of the demographics of the district, it's rare to have a class without at least 3 or 4 difficult students. I'm constantly dealing with bullying, backtalk, tantrums, and unwillingness to participate. It's all good experience, but I don't feel like I'm making a ton of progress with the kids, and I'm not convinced that I'm cut out for a city school.
What's interesting though is that seeing kids in their "natural habitat" (yes I just said that) I don't hate them. In most other contexts, I'm just not a kid person, but being on their turf I seem to be able to relate to them. I'm hoping to set up some shadowing experiences at other kinds of schools so that I can observe a wider variety of students.
It's been a good experience. It's sometimes fun, and often stressful. I find that as an intern, I appreciate the fixed schedule - it makes it easier for me to stay on top of things and plan. I may feel differently when I have my own library, but I feel like the fixed or hybrid schedule at least gets the kids into the library once a week. Perhaps a flexible schedule would allow that, but on individual terms, which I would be in favor of. In any case, the fixed schedule guarantees that I see at least 12 classes a week, which has been the biggest benefit of this practicum.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Haha, it's fun to take a look at my last post and use it as a checkpoint. Hard to believe that I never blogged about how the lesson went (tragically) or the Holiday Booty Buster Challenge (forgot all about it after that weekend).
I dragged out my practicum, both because once I had my required hours there were only a few days left in the semester and why quit? and because I liked spending time with my host librarian. She let me do some cataloging and I tied up loose ends (although I'm going in tomorrow to help her with some computer stuff and to work out some bugs that have cropped up in the orientation). So for me, "Christmas break" began on December 22. I've essentially had three weeks off, but all in all it's felt like about two days. There were the holidays, and a very busy week at work between Christmas and New Years. Last Tuesday was the first day I truly relaxed. I had hoped for the same today, but I'm caught in a weird space between trying to wind down from last semester and already winding up for the next. Today I proofread a friend's essays, washed my kitchen floor and polished my kitchen chairs, and read John Green's new book.
I don't know what to make of last year. I feel like as a whole it served as a good illustration of burnout, as I started the year bursting with motivation, then got sick. I met Mike at the midpoint of being sick, so balancing my new life with him (ie any non-school life at all) became a new challenge, and unfortunately, stressor. This past semester I did find some peace by accepting his boundaries - be up front about when I need to do homework instead of just working constantly while we're supposed to be hanging out together. 616 was easy enough that it was little more than a minor annoyance compared to the intensity of my practicum. I expect this semester to require more focus.
I would like to make resolutions for this year, but I don't know what to expect. I will graduate this year. This will be the first time in four years that I haven't had a clear path carved out for me. I've had to make some choices along the way, but I am finally at the end of the preparation phase and will be on to the business of living my life. What I can reasonably ask of myself:
I dragged out my practicum, both because once I had my required hours there were only a few days left in the semester and why quit? and because I liked spending time with my host librarian. She let me do some cataloging and I tied up loose ends (although I'm going in tomorrow to help her with some computer stuff and to work out some bugs that have cropped up in the orientation). So for me, "Christmas break" began on December 22. I've essentially had three weeks off, but all in all it's felt like about two days. There were the holidays, and a very busy week at work between Christmas and New Years. Last Tuesday was the first day I truly relaxed. I had hoped for the same today, but I'm caught in a weird space between trying to wind down from last semester and already winding up for the next. Today I proofread a friend's essays, washed my kitchen floor and polished my kitchen chairs, and read John Green's new book.
I don't know what to make of last year. I feel like as a whole it served as a good illustration of burnout, as I started the year bursting with motivation, then got sick. I met Mike at the midpoint of being sick, so balancing my new life with him (ie any non-school life at all) became a new challenge, and unfortunately, stressor. This past semester I did find some peace by accepting his boundaries - be up front about when I need to do homework instead of just working constantly while we're supposed to be hanging out together. 616 was easy enough that it was little more than a minor annoyance compared to the intensity of my practicum. I expect this semester to require more focus.
I would like to make resolutions for this year, but I don't know what to expect. I will graduate this year. This will be the first time in four years that I haven't had a clear path carved out for me. I've had to make some choices along the way, but I am finally at the end of the preparation phase and will be on to the business of living my life. What I can reasonably ask of myself:
- Commit to taking what I can from my last semester in terms of career prep, networking, and teaching experience
- Explore options for improving the Bookstore
- Meet or exceed expectations for work at circulation and on teen space projects
- Maintain a fitness routine, improve Iron Girl time
- Keep my relationship with Mike in the foreground of my mind, keep working at it and not taking it for granted
- Make my job choice with integrity
Monday, November 21, 2011
Busy Girl!
What a crazy, crazy, crazy week! I was back at practicum for one day this week. I met with my collaborating teacher to plan out our lesson, which is pretty much settled and scheduled. It's a fairly simple project, but it'll give me some face time with a class.
Thursday was work, and Thursday night I helped Mike prep his kitchen floor for laying linoleum. Thursday we mainly just pulled up the old tiles and ripped out the moulding.
Friday I actually had a day off, but ended up being super busy. Since I didn't know when or if I would have another non-holiday weekday off before Christmas, I focused on getting Mike's big present together. While waiting for confirmation for one step of the process, I did work emails, paid bills and typed texts (in short I archive our important conversations and my phone doesn't export :p I think it's part of being a librarian; I can't stand to lose those "writings"). I went to a lovely dinner party and saw one of my favorite librarians.
Saturday was the really intense day. I got out to Auburn around 1 (after coffee with another of my favorite librarians). We got right down to work on the floor. We patched the holes in the subfloor, pulled out the washer and dryer (which involved cleaning and removing the tiles that had been underneath them, and moved the fridge and stove. We went and got food while waiting for the subfloor compound to harden, then came home and sanded. I swept and swept and swept, then went over the entire floor on my hands and knees feeling for any rough spots or bumps.
The next step was creating a template of the floor. We cut craft paper and laid it out along the edges of the room. Good thing, because it turned out that the room was slightly off square - basically parallelogram shaped. We carted the linoleum into the kitchen, taped down the template at the edge of the roll, and started cutting. With such a big roll, there was no place that we could lay out the whole thing, so we had to do a little, roll up the end we had just cut, then do some more.
Unrolling the cut linoleum over the entire floor was the most frustrating part of the process, because we had to work it around cabinets, and it did not want to go. Amazingly though, once it was down, the fit was practically perfect. We glued one side at a time (that was all Mike, as we only bought one trowel) then used a roller to smooth out air bubbles.
Sounds easy, right? Did I mention that the whole process took about 14 hours of work time? 19 hours total (excluding time spent running out for food and supplies). We went to bed at 7am.
On Sunday, we had a family party to go to, but afterward our goal was to put the appliances back in. Mike has a newer washer that had been in the garage, so we brought that upstairs on a dolly. Not as easy as it sounds. We had to disassemble his banister to squeeze it around the top of the stairs. Then we had to bring the old, heavy, gross one down. Once that was done, it was homework time for me!
The Holiday Bootie Buster Challenge started on Saturday (a holiday-themed fitness competition) and I was unable to do an actual "workout" due to all of this. But I think I'm justified in my decision to track 4 hours worth of strength training - I spent at least an hour on the stairs supporting a washer over my head, to say nothing of several hours of rolling the floor or lugging the other appliances.
I had hoped to make it to yoga tonight, since I thought it would be nice to stretch out all my aches and pains, but I got home from work and slept for about 4 hours. I can't complain too much though. Mike has a pretty new floor, and I have major brownie points and a sparkly new bucket. It's fun watching the apartment improving all the time, and it's nice to have a part in it.
Thursday was work, and Thursday night I helped Mike prep his kitchen floor for laying linoleum. Thursday we mainly just pulled up the old tiles and ripped out the moulding.
Friday I actually had a day off, but ended up being super busy. Since I didn't know when or if I would have another non-holiday weekday off before Christmas, I focused on getting Mike's big present together. While waiting for confirmation for one step of the process, I did work emails, paid bills and typed texts (in short I archive our important conversations and my phone doesn't export :p I think it's part of being a librarian; I can't stand to lose those "writings"). I went to a lovely dinner party and saw one of my favorite librarians.
Saturday was the really intense day. I got out to Auburn around 1 (after coffee with another of my favorite librarians). We got right down to work on the floor. We patched the holes in the subfloor, pulled out the washer and dryer (which involved cleaning and removing the tiles that had been underneath them, and moved the fridge and stove. We went and got food while waiting for the subfloor compound to harden, then came home and sanded. I swept and swept and swept, then went over the entire floor on my hands and knees feeling for any rough spots or bumps.
The next step was creating a template of the floor. We cut craft paper and laid it out along the edges of the room. Good thing, because it turned out that the room was slightly off square - basically parallelogram shaped. We carted the linoleum into the kitchen, taped down the template at the edge of the roll, and started cutting. With such a big roll, there was no place that we could lay out the whole thing, so we had to do a little, roll up the end we had just cut, then do some more.
Unrolling the cut linoleum over the entire floor was the most frustrating part of the process, because we had to work it around cabinets, and it did not want to go. Amazingly though, once it was down, the fit was practically perfect. We glued one side at a time (that was all Mike, as we only bought one trowel) then used a roller to smooth out air bubbles.
Sounds easy, right? Did I mention that the whole process took about 14 hours of work time? 19 hours total (excluding time spent running out for food and supplies). We went to bed at 7am.
On Sunday, we had a family party to go to, but afterward our goal was to put the appliances back in. Mike has a newer washer that had been in the garage, so we brought that upstairs on a dolly. Not as easy as it sounds. We had to disassemble his banister to squeeze it around the top of the stairs. Then we had to bring the old, heavy, gross one down. Once that was done, it was homework time for me!
The Holiday Bootie Buster Challenge started on Saturday (a holiday-themed fitness competition) and I was unable to do an actual "workout" due to all of this. But I think I'm justified in my decision to track 4 hours worth of strength training - I spent at least an hour on the stairs supporting a washer over my head, to say nothing of several hours of rolling the floor or lugging the other appliances.
I had hoped to make it to yoga tonight, since I thought it would be nice to stretch out all my aches and pains, but I got home from work and slept for about 4 hours. I can't complain too much though. Mike has a pretty new floor, and I have major brownie points and a sparkly new bucket. It's fun watching the apartment improving all the time, and it's nice to have a part in it.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Today I got to attend my very first conference, the Fall meeting of the OCM BOCES School Library System. It was a really great day, and gave my overall motivation a bit of a boost. It also gave me some perspective on where I stand in my education.
Going into the day, I wished that I had my e-portfolio prepared. If I had it ready, I would have felt more confident about networking. My goal for the day was to talk to librarians and to make contact with an elementary librarian who might take me on as an intern. To that end, I created a few business cards with my basic information, just to give people something to remember me by.
I attended four sessions: Doug Johnson's keynote, a presentation on creating an e-portfolio lead by the Syracuse City School District's Ed Tech team, Anthony Rotolo's social media session, and Project Enable.
I was excited to hear (and meet!) Doug Johnson, as I discovered his writing while doing my first rapid response for 511 last year, and have followed his blog ever since. He had a lot of great points, but here's what I took away:
The session on e-portfolios was not what I expected, but very helpful. I was thinking it would be more nuts and bolts on how to actually put one together, but what we got was a list of essential components and tools for developing them. I had vaguely thought that I should have a mission statement in my portfolio, but now I know that I need my professional philosophy in there, with measurable goals, evidence of learning, and reflection.
This session made me think hard about this blog. I've long felt that I do want a blog to be a part of my e-portfolio, but would not have given out this one because so many of the entries over the past year have been written to express frustration, disillusionment, and exhaustion. I have far more success than this blog conveys. However, having read Alyssa Vincent's honest account of burnout and having felt immensely comforted by it, I think I would like to maintain this blog, weaknesses and all. I will just strive to make more of an effort to reflect when I'm feeling positive as well.
I also realized, when we talked about goals, that the reason my personal frustrations have crept into my professional blog is that my personal and professional goals are deeply intertwined. Being braver, working harder and being better informed all come into play personally and professionally, and all are affected by my overall energy level and attitude. I think that having measurable professional goals will help me to keep career stresses from feeling like my whole life is struggling.
After this session, we had a break for lunch. I had asked Blythe Bennett for suggestions of good elementary librarians to approach, and found myself sitting next to one of them. When we had both finished eating, I steeled myself and struck up a conversation, which ended up lasting about 20 minutes. She was extremely cool - forward thinking and passionate, and it sounds like she has a great program. I am hopeful that I will be able to do my second practicum with her.
I don't have a lot to say about Rotolo's session - it was a lot of fun, and gave me some context for the way technology and social media are changing the world and should be changing education. Project Enable was eye-opening. The presenters had us work through several simulations to force us to understand what students with disabilities are working with. It emphasized the need for patience, and especially for librarians to be thoroughly informed about the students they are working with. It was a valuable session, particularly given that I know very little about students with disabilities and am now much more aware of the areas in which I need to educate myself.
So, time to move forward. I would like to retool this blog a bit to make it more attractive, and develop my e-portfolio. I'm also debating whether to separate my personal and professional twitter presence. Not so much because I say anything inappropriate as because I wouldn't want to follow a colleague who tweeted as much non-library stuff as I do.
Going into the day, I wished that I had my e-portfolio prepared. If I had it ready, I would have felt more confident about networking. My goal for the day was to talk to librarians and to make contact with an elementary librarian who might take me on as an intern. To that end, I created a few business cards with my basic information, just to give people something to remember me by.
I attended four sessions: Doug Johnson's keynote, a presentation on creating an e-portfolio lead by the Syracuse City School District's Ed Tech team, Anthony Rotolo's social media session, and Project Enable.
I was excited to hear (and meet!) Doug Johnson, as I discovered his writing while doing my first rapid response for 511 last year, and have followed his blog ever since. He had a lot of great points, but here's what I took away:
- The speed of change is our real challenge
- We must distinguish the act of reading from the medium of books
- Technology is moving more and more to a single device that does everything; we have to be concerned about what this means for choice, competition and freedom of information
- Young people trust their peers more than packaged marketing materials; user reviews are a kind of peer review; applies to all sorts of information
- The political leanings of parents might affect how their kids approach information
- "Doomed libraries are all alike; every successful library is successful in its own way."
- Be visible outside of the library
- Advocate for users
- DIVERSIFY; make your physical space compelling enough to draw in users
- No whining!
The session on e-portfolios was not what I expected, but very helpful. I was thinking it would be more nuts and bolts on how to actually put one together, but what we got was a list of essential components and tools for developing them. I had vaguely thought that I should have a mission statement in my portfolio, but now I know that I need my professional philosophy in there, with measurable goals, evidence of learning, and reflection.
This session made me think hard about this blog. I've long felt that I do want a blog to be a part of my e-portfolio, but would not have given out this one because so many of the entries over the past year have been written to express frustration, disillusionment, and exhaustion. I have far more success than this blog conveys. However, having read Alyssa Vincent's honest account of burnout and having felt immensely comforted by it, I think I would like to maintain this blog, weaknesses and all. I will just strive to make more of an effort to reflect when I'm feeling positive as well.
I also realized, when we talked about goals, that the reason my personal frustrations have crept into my professional blog is that my personal and professional goals are deeply intertwined. Being braver, working harder and being better informed all come into play personally and professionally, and all are affected by my overall energy level and attitude. I think that having measurable professional goals will help me to keep career stresses from feeling like my whole life is struggling.
After this session, we had a break for lunch. I had asked Blythe Bennett for suggestions of good elementary librarians to approach, and found myself sitting next to one of them. When we had both finished eating, I steeled myself and struck up a conversation, which ended up lasting about 20 minutes. She was extremely cool - forward thinking and passionate, and it sounds like she has a great program. I am hopeful that I will be able to do my second practicum with her.
I don't have a lot to say about Rotolo's session - it was a lot of fun, and gave me some context for the way technology and social media are changing the world and should be changing education. Project Enable was eye-opening. The presenters had us work through several simulations to force us to understand what students with disabilities are working with. It emphasized the need for patience, and especially for librarians to be thoroughly informed about the students they are working with. It was a valuable session, particularly given that I know very little about students with disabilities and am now much more aware of the areas in which I need to educate myself.
So, time to move forward. I would like to retool this blog a bit to make it more attractive, and develop my e-portfolio. I'm also debating whether to separate my personal and professional twitter presence. Not so much because I say anything inappropriate as because I wouldn't want to follow a colleague who tweeted as much non-library stuff as I do.
Friday, October 21, 2011
On Balance
I had a really stupid revelation today.
I frequently feel like I've used up my stores of energy, and all I want is permission to just stop, because living the rest of my life just sounds exhausting.
I've lived my life in cycles of intense motivation and total hibernation. I'm happier in the motivated periods, but they only last until I get ill and depressed, and have nothing left in the tank to heal myself.
It finally occurred to me, today, that if I exist in these cycles, it is possible for my health and energy levels to replenish themselves, but that I drive myself so far into the ground that it takes weeks/months to recover.
So...if I just make a point of taking care of myself all along...will I recharge as I go?
This seems like a really obvious, simple concept, but I've always been an all or nothing person. If I'm not working my ass off, I feel like a failure.
I'm trying something new. At this point, I'm so tired and worn down that I'm not even excited about school or my future career anymore. This is not okay. So I have no choice but to change, and I think the answer is to actually prioritize my Self. Instead of sacrificing myself to do everything I think I should, and everything everyone else thinks I should (even though it doesn't feel like enough) I need to make sure I have time for the basics: sleeping, eating real food, switching my brain off for a book or a puzzle occasionally, and exercising. This requires significantly more free time than I've had, but my hope is that once my life is more in balance, the time I do spend working will be more efficient.
I hope that this will not lower my level of achievement. But even if it does, if it allows me to be sustainably happy and to enjoy my life's work (which is the point of putting myself through this in the first place, to have work that I will love) then I will learn to be okay with it.
I frequently feel like I've used up my stores of energy, and all I want is permission to just stop, because living the rest of my life just sounds exhausting.
I've lived my life in cycles of intense motivation and total hibernation. I'm happier in the motivated periods, but they only last until I get ill and depressed, and have nothing left in the tank to heal myself.
It finally occurred to me, today, that if I exist in these cycles, it is possible for my health and energy levels to replenish themselves, but that I drive myself so far into the ground that it takes weeks/months to recover.
So...if I just make a point of taking care of myself all along...will I recharge as I go?
This seems like a really obvious, simple concept, but I've always been an all or nothing person. If I'm not working my ass off, I feel like a failure.
I'm trying something new. At this point, I'm so tired and worn down that I'm not even excited about school or my future career anymore. This is not okay. So I have no choice but to change, and I think the answer is to actually prioritize my Self. Instead of sacrificing myself to do everything I think I should, and everything everyone else thinks I should (even though it doesn't feel like enough) I need to make sure I have time for the basics: sleeping, eating real food, switching my brain off for a book or a puzzle occasionally, and exercising. This requires significantly more free time than I've had, but my hope is that once my life is more in balance, the time I do spend working will be more efficient.
I hope that this will not lower my level of achievement. But even if it does, if it allows me to be sustainably happy and to enjoy my life's work (which is the point of putting myself through this in the first place, to have work that I will love) then I will learn to be okay with it.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Doubts 'n stuff
When I arrived at SU I was the most hardcore school librarian type you could find. Even among my school media classmates I was among the most committed to actually working in a school. I wasn't cynical about it, I just wanted to do a good job. I'm well into my fourth semester of grad school and am sort of wondering how I got here.
I still think school libraries are important and may be the only hope there is for modern education, but I'm infuriated at the number of ridiculous requirements intended to boost teacher performance that in reality result in kids getting cheated out of real learning - discovery, critical thought, and freedom to pursue interests.
I also don't think there's enough time or room in the curriculum to let kids struggle. Part of really learning something inside and out is wrestling with it, and that isn't happening any more. Teachers do things for students rather than forcing them to figure it out, because there's just not time. Students ask me for help in the library, for things that they could easily figure out if they actually looked at the shelf or explored a few drop down menus on the computer. That was how I learned best. I had a task to complete, so I figured it out. Even now- I'm writing an HTML website for my practicum...I don't know HTML. I don't know a damn thing. Iwas lucky enough to have a tech savvy friend give me a crash course over about 2 hours, and I've been flying solo. I don't think students now realize that A. The answers are out there if you think about how to look and B. That they are 100% competent to figure things out on their own.
I keep looking at how things are done and imagining a different model for education. It's scary enough that I can imagine why people homeschool, although I don't think that's a great option either. It seems to me that schools are a leftover from a time when work was far more routine and required less creativity. Schools are buildings crammed with kids, staffed with authority figures charged with keeping them disciplined enough that learning is not disrupted. It's not an atmosphere that encouraged individuality, rebellion, learning for its own sake, thinking outside the box etc., yet that's what the "real world" values. Of course that's not universal, but it's becoming more and more true.
I'm sure I'll continue to ruminate on the state and future of education, but in short, I'm trying to understand whether my frustrations are an obstacle or an opportunity. Will I be hopelessly frustrated and unhappy as a school librarian, or will I attack it and bring passion to it? I remind myself that when that time comes, it will have my full attention, not the crazy 5 way split my life has been in for years.
The other wild card is that my public library job has been increasingly complex, interesting and rewarding of late. I guess it's good to know that there is a happy place for me in one or the other of these worlds.
I still think school libraries are important and may be the only hope there is for modern education, but I'm infuriated at the number of ridiculous requirements intended to boost teacher performance that in reality result in kids getting cheated out of real learning - discovery, critical thought, and freedom to pursue interests.
I also don't think there's enough time or room in the curriculum to let kids struggle. Part of really learning something inside and out is wrestling with it, and that isn't happening any more. Teachers do things for students rather than forcing them to figure it out, because there's just not time. Students ask me for help in the library, for things that they could easily figure out if they actually looked at the shelf or explored a few drop down menus on the computer. That was how I learned best. I had a task to complete, so I figured it out. Even now- I'm writing an HTML website for my practicum...I don't know HTML. I don't know a damn thing. Iwas lucky enough to have a tech savvy friend give me a crash course over about 2 hours, and I've been flying solo. I don't think students now realize that A. The answers are out there if you think about how to look and B. That they are 100% competent to figure things out on their own.
I keep looking at how things are done and imagining a different model for education. It's scary enough that I can imagine why people homeschool, although I don't think that's a great option either. It seems to me that schools are a leftover from a time when work was far more routine and required less creativity. Schools are buildings crammed with kids, staffed with authority figures charged with keeping them disciplined enough that learning is not disrupted. It's not an atmosphere that encouraged individuality, rebellion, learning for its own sake, thinking outside the box etc., yet that's what the "real world" values. Of course that's not universal, but it's becoming more and more true.
I'm sure I'll continue to ruminate on the state and future of education, but in short, I'm trying to understand whether my frustrations are an obstacle or an opportunity. Will I be hopelessly frustrated and unhappy as a school librarian, or will I attack it and bring passion to it? I remind myself that when that time comes, it will have my full attention, not the crazy 5 way split my life has been in for years.
The other wild card is that my public library job has been increasingly complex, interesting and rewarding of late. I guess it's good to know that there is a happy place for me in one or the other of these worlds.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
What does technology bring to the table?
One of my pet peeves as a kid was having to do lessons with poorly integrated technology. It seemed to me to be akin to being forced to use a certain formula to solve a math problem, even when you could get to the answer in other ways. At the time, I didn't really grasp that gaining technology proficiency was one of the goals - all I saw was technology getting in the way of tasks that I could easily complete on my own.
Technology has come a long way, but that doesn't mean that it isn't a waste of time if used incorrectly. I now know the value of requiring students to acquire technology skills as a part of their work, but I'm still leery of frustrating them, and of being that librarian that sticks technology into situations where it doesn't quite fit.
I had to really look at what I was doing today. As one of my major practicum projects, I'm developing a new, self guided library orientation. The plan was for students to use the library's Ipods to scan QR codes which would launch webpages describing challenges at different stations throughout the library. At each station, they would either submit an answer through an HTML form, take a photo to prove they completed their task, or scan a QR code that wouldn't be given to them until they finished the challenge.
I spent the first week of my practicum writing the questions, applying standards, and brainstorming how the stations would flow from one to the next. I wrote to other librarians who've created similar programs, and wrote to a company that licenses an Ipod app for such scavenger hunts (no reply from them, btw). Meanwhile, my host librarian attempted to track down the Ipods, which as it turned out, very few people were keeping tabs on.
The ipods were finally located. The wireless router was finally configured. Today was the day I actually sat down with a device, planning to begin writing HTML and testing pages on it. Today was the day I learned: these are scaled down educational versions of the Ipod. That is, where the camera should be, there is a piece of plastic. No camera. No QR reader. Fudge.
Yeah. Back to the drawing board. My host librarian suggested (with a bit of well deserved bitterness; she is not happy with the functionality of these devices) that maybe instead of the Ipods, we could use the library's laptops, which do have webcams. A little searching revealed that although it's a little unusual, some dude had indeed developed a QR reader for laptops. Awesome. Let's download it and test it!
Nope. Turns out you need an administrative login to do that! I typed up a description of exactly what we need to do, and my host librarian sent it off to the person she says is most likely to help. So I was left considering what this tour would have to look like in order to work on either device. On the Ipods, it would have to be entirely link based, with task completion assessed by a multiple choice question or form submission. On the laptops, we could stick with our original ideas. However, the excitement of the project dropped a notch as I pictured students lugging laptops around instead of the newer, sexier devices they would prefer to use.
I started wondering: what are we accomplishing that the old paper-based library orientation didn't? I really had to think about it. Thankfully, the more I think about it, the more I am realizing the potential benefits of using the laptops. Instead of text prompts for all the challenges, I can use embedded video. It will probably be easier to write the HTML or modify a template. Students can actually complete the challenges that require them to use the OPAC and databases on their own computers. Okay. So if I do a good job, the technology is serving a purpose.
I will admit that today was a frustrating day. The project is basically at a standstill, as anything I do for one device will be a wasted effort if we end up going with the other. These are the nuances they don't teach you in library school...
Technology has come a long way, but that doesn't mean that it isn't a waste of time if used incorrectly. I now know the value of requiring students to acquire technology skills as a part of their work, but I'm still leery of frustrating them, and of being that librarian that sticks technology into situations where it doesn't quite fit.
I had to really look at what I was doing today. As one of my major practicum projects, I'm developing a new, self guided library orientation. The plan was for students to use the library's Ipods to scan QR codes which would launch webpages describing challenges at different stations throughout the library. At each station, they would either submit an answer through an HTML form, take a photo to prove they completed their task, or scan a QR code that wouldn't be given to them until they finished the challenge.
I spent the first week of my practicum writing the questions, applying standards, and brainstorming how the stations would flow from one to the next. I wrote to other librarians who've created similar programs, and wrote to a company that licenses an Ipod app for such scavenger hunts (no reply from them, btw). Meanwhile, my host librarian attempted to track down the Ipods, which as it turned out, very few people were keeping tabs on.
The ipods were finally located. The wireless router was finally configured. Today was the day I actually sat down with a device, planning to begin writing HTML and testing pages on it. Today was the day I learned: these are scaled down educational versions of the Ipod. That is, where the camera should be, there is a piece of plastic. No camera. No QR reader. Fudge.
Yeah. Back to the drawing board. My host librarian suggested (with a bit of well deserved bitterness; she is not happy with the functionality of these devices) that maybe instead of the Ipods, we could use the library's laptops, which do have webcams. A little searching revealed that although it's a little unusual, some dude had indeed developed a QR reader for laptops. Awesome. Let's download it and test it!
Nope. Turns out you need an administrative login to do that! I typed up a description of exactly what we need to do, and my host librarian sent it off to the person she says is most likely to help. So I was left considering what this tour would have to look like in order to work on either device. On the Ipods, it would have to be entirely link based, with task completion assessed by a multiple choice question or form submission. On the laptops, we could stick with our original ideas. However, the excitement of the project dropped a notch as I pictured students lugging laptops around instead of the newer, sexier devices they would prefer to use.
I started wondering: what are we accomplishing that the old paper-based library orientation didn't? I really had to think about it. Thankfully, the more I think about it, the more I am realizing the potential benefits of using the laptops. Instead of text prompts for all the challenges, I can use embedded video. It will probably be easier to write the HTML or modify a template. Students can actually complete the challenges that require them to use the OPAC and databases on their own computers. Okay. So if I do a good job, the technology is serving a purpose.
I will admit that today was a frustrating day. The project is basically at a standstill, as anything I do for one device will be a wasted effort if we end up going with the other. These are the nuances they don't teach you in library school...
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
What I've learned
It's funny to think about how quickly the past 4 years have gone by. I've experienced a lot, but it doesn't really feel like it until I hit on something in a class or at work and realize that I understand it because of those experiences. What brings this to mind is the fact that I'm sitting here reading a powerpoint about controlled vocabularies, and it talks about the fact that although they can be great for more effective and organized searching, they need supervision and can be slow to be updated. My brain flashed back to my very first internship, where I spent a day with a technical services librarian, who showed me the thousands of printed pages of changes to LoC subject headings that she had to go through and update in the school's local catalog - manually. Many of them were tweaks to make terms more specific, or more technically correct, and some occurred because terms acquired new social connotations (for example phasing out outdated means of referring to various ethnicities).
Having seen this process in action (albeit very slow action) and having talked about the ways in which Dewey is based around the ideas and values of the time in which it was created, I wonder if Dewey has ever undergone such revision? Presumably subjects such as computing have been added in, but under what original topic? I realize I'm mixing apples and oranges a bit, but I'm just realizing that I don't really know the answer, and I'm super curious to know more about how Dewey has evolved.
And isn't it just the way that I'm writing the rare blog post tonight, when I really should be doing my project?
:)
Having seen this process in action (albeit very slow action) and having talked about the ways in which Dewey is based around the ideas and values of the time in which it was created, I wonder if Dewey has ever undergone such revision? Presumably subjects such as computing have been added in, but under what original topic? I realize I'm mixing apples and oranges a bit, but I'm just realizing that I don't really know the answer, and I'm super curious to know more about how Dewey has evolved.
And isn't it just the way that I'm writing the rare blog post tonight, when I really should be doing my project?
:)
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Tomorrow I start my internship at the high school where I graduated. I'm both excited and terrified. The school is only vaguely familiar, as it's been entirely renovated since I went there, and the majority of my teachers retired a year or two after I graduated. But it's still nice to be "keeping it in the family", as it was with my first fieldwork. Much as I hated school as a teen, I do feel an affinity for the district. I'm also excited to still be in the loop with the same group of librarians, because I've been admiring and interacting with their work for almost a year, and also because I think it's going to be valuable to see the library program as a whole across the district's schools.
I will admit to feeling wholly unprepared. I had intended to spend the summer teaching myself HTML, developing lesson plans, and researching the program we'll be using to create a library orientation for the Ipods. Instead I spent it frantically trying to keep up in my Information Policy class. That class really tipped the balance of the summer for me. I truly did accomplish a lot: I survived a July that included the work for the full-summer Information Policy class, an intensive one month youth services class with a one week, full time on campus residency, triathlon training, summer reading madness at work, and studying for a certification test. I came out of it with a 4.0 GPA, my first triathlon medal, and responsibility for several new projects at the library. Truly, I was very successful this summer, but unfortunately the intensity of that Information Policy class made it an absolutely miserable process, and left me exhausted. So regardless of how well my time was spent, I am disappointed in my level of preparedness going into my practicum.
I'm trying to be level-headed about it. I'm not great at knowing when to cut myself some slack. I know people who just secured practicum sites last week, so at least I've had the summer to mull my projects over. I think I'm just sad because I've fallen short of what I had hoped to accomplish, regardless of whether it was ever realistic.
In any case, I'm going in tomorrow with a list of objectives and an understanding of what information I need. I'm going to be cheerful, keep my eyes and ears open, and soak up as much as I can. I'm going to try to be the best I can be in the moment, and not let my feelings of failure hinder that.
Aside from these concerns, I'm happy with my fall semester. I like my Information Resources class a lot so far, and my work schedule has shifted somewhat. I have far fewer hours working on the circulation desk, and I'm making up some of those hours doing special projects, which I'm pretty excited to have been entrusted with. I'm on a project team that is re-designing our library's book sale fundraiser, which is a massive task. We're basically working from the ground up to streamline processing/retrieval, storage, volunteer assistance and sales. We have a beautiful new display that's generating excitement and grabbing patrons' attention. For me, it's a fantastic mix of grunt work (digging through donations and sorting things into different categories), supervisory experience (developing a workflow and delegating to volunteers), marketing, merchandising, and developing a database for tracking inventory. Aside from that, I'm also taking on a collection development project, evaluating my favorite collection - teen fiction.
I also have a vacation coming up. A real, actual, get out of town vacation - a trip to Richmond for a wedding. Given that I had 2 days off between the spring and summer semesters, and essentially 2 work weeks (of which I sort of crashed for 2 days) between the summer and fall semesters, I'm truly excited. I haven't taken a real vacation since Las Vegas, which was in 2009. Right now my brain is in hardcore to-do list efficiency mode, so I'm beyond looking forward to switching off for a week.
I hope everyone is having a good fall so far. I would like to blog more often, particularly throughout my practicum. Reflection is always a revealing process for me, and helps me cement what I've learned. Comments are always welcome!
I will admit to feeling wholly unprepared. I had intended to spend the summer teaching myself HTML, developing lesson plans, and researching the program we'll be using to create a library orientation for the Ipods. Instead I spent it frantically trying to keep up in my Information Policy class. That class really tipped the balance of the summer for me. I truly did accomplish a lot: I survived a July that included the work for the full-summer Information Policy class, an intensive one month youth services class with a one week, full time on campus residency, triathlon training, summer reading madness at work, and studying for a certification test. I came out of it with a 4.0 GPA, my first triathlon medal, and responsibility for several new projects at the library. Truly, I was very successful this summer, but unfortunately the intensity of that Information Policy class made it an absolutely miserable process, and left me exhausted. So regardless of how well my time was spent, I am disappointed in my level of preparedness going into my practicum.
I'm trying to be level-headed about it. I'm not great at knowing when to cut myself some slack. I know people who just secured practicum sites last week, so at least I've had the summer to mull my projects over. I think I'm just sad because I've fallen short of what I had hoped to accomplish, regardless of whether it was ever realistic.
In any case, I'm going in tomorrow with a list of objectives and an understanding of what information I need. I'm going to be cheerful, keep my eyes and ears open, and soak up as much as I can. I'm going to try to be the best I can be in the moment, and not let my feelings of failure hinder that.
Aside from these concerns, I'm happy with my fall semester. I like my Information Resources class a lot so far, and my work schedule has shifted somewhat. I have far fewer hours working on the circulation desk, and I'm making up some of those hours doing special projects, which I'm pretty excited to have been entrusted with. I'm on a project team that is re-designing our library's book sale fundraiser, which is a massive task. We're basically working from the ground up to streamline processing/retrieval, storage, volunteer assistance and sales. We have a beautiful new display that's generating excitement and grabbing patrons' attention. For me, it's a fantastic mix of grunt work (digging through donations and sorting things into different categories), supervisory experience (developing a workflow and delegating to volunteers), marketing, merchandising, and developing a database for tracking inventory. Aside from that, I'm also taking on a collection development project, evaluating my favorite collection - teen fiction.
I also have a vacation coming up. A real, actual, get out of town vacation - a trip to Richmond for a wedding. Given that I had 2 days off between the spring and summer semesters, and essentially 2 work weeks (of which I sort of crashed for 2 days) between the summer and fall semesters, I'm truly excited. I haven't taken a real vacation since Las Vegas, which was in 2009. Right now my brain is in hardcore to-do list efficiency mode, so I'm beyond looking forward to switching off for a week.
I hope everyone is having a good fall so far. I would like to blog more often, particularly throughout my practicum. Reflection is always a revealing process for me, and helps me cement what I've learned. Comments are always welcome!
Monday, August 1, 2011
I updated in June? Really? That recently?
Okay, well, then I guess I can feel slightly less guilty about this post.
Mike has recommended that I spend more time in reflection, primarily because my brain is wrapped in layers of "shoulds" and worries and bullshit, and half the time I don't even know my own thoughts. By the time they become conscious they've already been filtered. Good in the workplace, not so good in relationships and when talking to myself.
This blog isn't really the place to parse out why I've built up so many walls, but I do think that I need a space to continue thinking about this field outside of the context of classes. I try to enjoy classes, but I end up resenting classes. I think honest reflection might be a way to hang on to some of the passion that brought me into this career.
In a week or two. I finished IST612, and even though it was a really good course, I didn't enjoy it much, which is a shame. July was a packed, stressful month. I do feel like I gained some skill in talking about literature and creating programs for a library, but I was just a ball of nerves the entire time. Again, Mike asks me why, and I don't really know why. That's just how it is? He says that's not a good enough answer so...reflection. Why do I get so attached to my tasks, and why do I feel like I'm going to die until they're finally done? Why am I always convinced that I'm going to fail, when that has literally not ever happened?
Work is good at least. I get stressed about that too, because I really do want to do a good job and make my coworkers happy. Again, I have no realistic sense of whether I'm trying to do far too much or if I'm doing nothing at all. The booksale is great because it looks pretty and I get a report at the end of every month - easy to assess. The teen space terrifies me, because I don't feel qualified to be doing the work I'm doing on it. I got to attend a webinar, which ended up being more useful than I initially thought. I had to do a writeup of the content of the webinar and boil it down to key points, and although it seems ridiculous to come away from an hour and a half long webinar with 4 action items, they are things that will be useful to us.
I have my internship lined up for the fall, and again, while I'm excited about it and I feel like it's going to be a fantastic experience, when I think about it I feel like I'm going to die. I have to learn basic html over the next month, brainstorm lesson plans, and sketch out a library orientation scavenger hunt, among other things. Again, excited, but terrified.
Anyway, I'm hoping to document my thoughts a little better as I go forward. It's tough to find time (I'm also training for a triathlon, btw) but I think that in terms of getting organized, focusing my thoughts and getting realistic about how my schoolwork is not going to cause me to spontaneously drop dead, it's worth the time.
Okay, well, then I guess I can feel slightly less guilty about this post.
Mike has recommended that I spend more time in reflection, primarily because my brain is wrapped in layers of "shoulds" and worries and bullshit, and half the time I don't even know my own thoughts. By the time they become conscious they've already been filtered. Good in the workplace, not so good in relationships and when talking to myself.
This blog isn't really the place to parse out why I've built up so many walls, but I do think that I need a space to continue thinking about this field outside of the context of classes. I try to enjoy classes, but I end up resenting classes. I think honest reflection might be a way to hang on to some of the passion that brought me into this career.
In a week or two. I finished IST612, and even though it was a really good course, I didn't enjoy it much, which is a shame. July was a packed, stressful month. I do feel like I gained some skill in talking about literature and creating programs for a library, but I was just a ball of nerves the entire time. Again, Mike asks me why, and I don't really know why. That's just how it is? He says that's not a good enough answer so...reflection. Why do I get so attached to my tasks, and why do I feel like I'm going to die until they're finally done? Why am I always convinced that I'm going to fail, when that has literally not ever happened?
Work is good at least. I get stressed about that too, because I really do want to do a good job and make my coworkers happy. Again, I have no realistic sense of whether I'm trying to do far too much or if I'm doing nothing at all. The booksale is great because it looks pretty and I get a report at the end of every month - easy to assess. The teen space terrifies me, because I don't feel qualified to be doing the work I'm doing on it. I got to attend a webinar, which ended up being more useful than I initially thought. I had to do a writeup of the content of the webinar and boil it down to key points, and although it seems ridiculous to come away from an hour and a half long webinar with 4 action items, they are things that will be useful to us.
I have my internship lined up for the fall, and again, while I'm excited about it and I feel like it's going to be a fantastic experience, when I think about it I feel like I'm going to die. I have to learn basic html over the next month, brainstorm lesson plans, and sketch out a library orientation scavenger hunt, among other things. Again, excited, but terrified.
Anyway, I'm hoping to document my thoughts a little better as I go forward. It's tough to find time (I'm also training for a triathlon, btw) but I think that in terms of getting organized, focusing my thoughts and getting realistic about how my schoolwork is not going to cause me to spontaneously drop dead, it's worth the time.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
The reason I've been away from this blog so long is actually the topic that brings me back to it: burnout.
Burnout is something I've dealt with off and on since high school. I get charged up and motivated for a goal, take on a lot of projects and responsibilities, and feel great for a while. But over time I start to lose my joy in it, and I get tired and cynical about it.
I had hoped that it wouldn't happen this time around, as my life is filled with people and activities that I really love and care about. What I'm finding though, is that a sense of mission is not an antidote to burnout. I personally love the idea of being on the go all the time, energized and engaged in as many things as possible, always pushing toward a goal. I'm still learning how to make that attitude sustainable.
My boss approached me at work today and let me know that I was approved to participate on a committee that I had asked to become involved in. She was concerned about whether I've taken on too much. (Her actual words were "We want to make sure you're not going to keel over on us.") I'm hard pressed to respond to that. I never feel like I'm doing enough, although between school, work and regular life I'm stretched pretty thin. I get frustrated that I can't do all the things that I would like to do, particularly because I feel like I should be capable of doing them.
I'm attempting to find a way to make all of this work. I think the keys will be organization and efficiency. I will freely admit to allowing myself to get bogged down by two things: obligation and emotion. I allow my tasks to stress me out, so they become scary, and I spend too long procrastinating and too long doing prep work that probably isn't necessary.
I'm trying out a new organizational scheme that allots me a certain amount of time each day for all the things I need to do. This includes mundane things that usually get forgotten, like doing dishes and packing a lunch. It also includes a finite amount of time for homework. My hope is that if I stick to a rigid schedule, I'll actually end up doing more than if I pack in several hours in one night because overall I will avoid classwork less. I also hope that my stress level will go down due to having everything I need to remember written out.
Librarians and other professionals: how do you recommend taking full advantage of the opportunities in your life and career, and doing your best work, while maintaining your life's balance?
Burnout is something I've dealt with off and on since high school. I get charged up and motivated for a goal, take on a lot of projects and responsibilities, and feel great for a while. But over time I start to lose my joy in it, and I get tired and cynical about it.
I had hoped that it wouldn't happen this time around, as my life is filled with people and activities that I really love and care about. What I'm finding though, is that a sense of mission is not an antidote to burnout. I personally love the idea of being on the go all the time, energized and engaged in as many things as possible, always pushing toward a goal. I'm still learning how to make that attitude sustainable.
My boss approached me at work today and let me know that I was approved to participate on a committee that I had asked to become involved in. She was concerned about whether I've taken on too much. (Her actual words were "We want to make sure you're not going to keel over on us.") I'm hard pressed to respond to that. I never feel like I'm doing enough, although between school, work and regular life I'm stretched pretty thin. I get frustrated that I can't do all the things that I would like to do, particularly because I feel like I should be capable of doing them.
I'm attempting to find a way to make all of this work. I think the keys will be organization and efficiency. I will freely admit to allowing myself to get bogged down by two things: obligation and emotion. I allow my tasks to stress me out, so they become scary, and I spend too long procrastinating and too long doing prep work that probably isn't necessary.
I'm trying out a new organizational scheme that allots me a certain amount of time each day for all the things I need to do. This includes mundane things that usually get forgotten, like doing dishes and packing a lunch. It also includes a finite amount of time for homework. My hope is that if I stick to a rigid schedule, I'll actually end up doing more than if I pack in several hours in one night because overall I will avoid classwork less. I also hope that my stress level will go down due to having everything I need to remember written out.
Librarians and other professionals: how do you recommend taking full advantage of the opportunities in your life and career, and doing your best work, while maintaining your life's balance?
Saturday, February 19, 2011
611 group B
On rules for bloggers:
Warlick's article had a lot of great suggestions for how teachers and librarians can use blogs as a part of instruction. I really liked that he talks about creating a policy that promotes positive uses of blogging rather than focusing on what is prohibited. My feeling is that in general, school districts are so concerned with controlling what is said that anyone with an opinion will go to an anonymous forum to express themselves. I much prefer the idea of encouraging an honest discussion: allowing teachers this forum to reflect on and share their experiences, encouraging them to be open and creative, and making it clear that as long as they are respectful and appropriate, the school will stand behind them.
On misinformation:
I think we have a responsibility as librarian bloggers to model good information practices. Link to more information when necessary, encourage comments and discussion around your ideas, and be clear about the line between fact and opinion. The value of blogs is rarely in the provision of factual information - it's the exchange of ideas and opinions, and getting students ready to understand and participate in it is an awesome step forward from what we all learned in school. I really feel like we as librarians need to make a significant point of discussing credibility with students, and making sure that they can distinguish between facts and opinions. Facts can be checked, and we can give students the tools to do that. Opinions can be a great way to explore a topic, but it requires a very different mentality to navigate, and I think that in the past teachers and librarians skirted around it by just forbidding blogs and wikis as sources. But they can be used responsibly, and we're getting to the point where they're not going away, and we really need to teach our students how to use them.
On self-censorship in personal blogs:
I think that what a school would consider "normal" is about the narrowest, most conservative range possible, and I just don't think it's right to treat teachers as if they've signed away their outside lives. I know that many people disagree with me and say that it's just the cost of being a professional, but I dislike this, like all forms of censorship, because I feel like it favors a sort of bland, average-of-all-extremes which in no way represents the richness and diversity of the real world. I'm not saying that teachers should expect to rant with impunity, that disrespect is ever cool, or that we should encourage students to access our personal blogs, but we're not robots - not everything that comes out of our mouths should have to be educational.
Warlick's article had a lot of great suggestions for how teachers and librarians can use blogs as a part of instruction. I really liked that he talks about creating a policy that promotes positive uses of blogging rather than focusing on what is prohibited. My feeling is that in general, school districts are so concerned with controlling what is said that anyone with an opinion will go to an anonymous forum to express themselves. I much prefer the idea of encouraging an honest discussion: allowing teachers this forum to reflect on and share their experiences, encouraging them to be open and creative, and making it clear that as long as they are respectful and appropriate, the school will stand behind them.
On misinformation:
I think we have a responsibility as librarian bloggers to model good information practices. Link to more information when necessary, encourage comments and discussion around your ideas, and be clear about the line between fact and opinion. The value of blogs is rarely in the provision of factual information - it's the exchange of ideas and opinions, and getting students ready to understand and participate in it is an awesome step forward from what we all learned in school. I really feel like we as librarians need to make a significant point of discussing credibility with students, and making sure that they can distinguish between facts and opinions. Facts can be checked, and we can give students the tools to do that. Opinions can be a great way to explore a topic, but it requires a very different mentality to navigate, and I think that in the past teachers and librarians skirted around it by just forbidding blogs and wikis as sources. But they can be used responsibly, and we're getting to the point where they're not going away, and we really need to teach our students how to use them.
On self-censorship in personal blogs:
I think that what a school would consider "normal" is about the narrowest, most conservative range possible, and I just don't think it's right to treat teachers as if they've signed away their outside lives. I know that many people disagree with me and say that it's just the cost of being a professional, but I dislike this, like all forms of censorship, because I feel like it favors a sort of bland, average-of-all-extremes which in no way represents the richness and diversity of the real world. I'm not saying that teachers should expect to rant with impunity, that disrespect is ever cool, or that we should encourage students to access our personal blogs, but we're not robots - not everything that comes out of our mouths should have to be educational.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Doing dishes and pondering librarianship
As always, a huge issue in a career like librarianship is figuring out how to describe what you do without limiting or labeling yourself. If you define yourself by the books, ebooks will put you out of business. If you say you read stories to children, why can't a lower-paid clerk do that? If you argue that you promote valuable literacy skills, what's the difference between you and a reading teacher?
I think I finally have my answer. School librarians are the generalists in a community of subject specialists. We know that knowledge does not exist in a vacuum, and that all disciplines influence and connect to one another. This is what the Collaboration! hubbub is all about. We are the interdisciplinary wizards at the center of it all, drawing connections, remixing and re-imagining knowledge, in a way that is meaningful to our school community. No one else has the perspective and resources to make the collective knowledge of a school a living thing.
I've read that the library should be the "learning hub of the school", but I get it now that that only happens if the library and the librarian are not static. Students and teachers don't just go there to get knowledge; they go there to swap, create and develop it. And the librarian is the one with a hand in every piece of it. We have the potential to forge new connections between seemingly unconnected areas, and enrich both, and that's really, really cool.
I think I finally have my answer. School librarians are the generalists in a community of subject specialists. We know that knowledge does not exist in a vacuum, and that all disciplines influence and connect to one another. This is what the Collaboration! hubbub is all about. We are the interdisciplinary wizards at the center of it all, drawing connections, remixing and re-imagining knowledge, in a way that is meaningful to our school community. No one else has the perspective and resources to make the collective knowledge of a school a living thing.
I've read that the library should be the "learning hub of the school", but I get it now that that only happens if the library and the librarian are not static. Students and teachers don't just go there to get knowledge; they go there to swap, create and develop it. And the librarian is the one with a hand in every piece of it. We have the potential to forge new connections between seemingly unconnected areas, and enrich both, and that's really, really cool.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Nudity in the library
Catchy title, eh?
*The following post (and my blog in general) is my personal opinion, should not in any way be construed as an expression of or commentary on the policies and positions of my employer.*
At our library, we have monthly displays from local artists. They have ranged from abstracts to watercolor still lifes to Chinese landscapes to portraits. This month we have a beautiful collection of portraits by a prominent local painter and teacher. They are absolutely gorgeous - the man is supremely talented. Most of the paintings are straightforward head and shoulders portraits of young women. One portrait is of a bare breasted woman. It is not in any way sexual, nor is it the first nude that has been included in an exhibition at our library.
Today a patron took issue with that image. He took the time out of his day to approach the desk and complain that it was inappropriate, since the library is a family place and there are children around.
The complaint was noted, with courtesy and respect toward the man's point of view, and he was given the appropriate information to allow him to express his opinion to management.
I dislike complaints of this sort for a number of reasons. First of all, I always get the feeling that people fall back on the "think of the children" argument because something or other makes them vaguely uncomfortable and they need to bolster their bluster. I also strongly disagree with the notion that seeing a bare breast is going to disturb or somehow sully a child. Children breastfeed; do we flip a switch when they stop that makes them unable to comprehend that it's a body part like an elbow or a nose? It's one thing to teach children about privacy, but we often go too far and make them feel like certain parts of them are shameful mysteries. Further, I dislike the implication that the world should be dumbed down to a child's level. Like it or not, this is not a child's world, and the least we can do is offer them realistic information about it.
In the end though, the fact is that everything offends someone. My being offended by this man's indignation accomplishes nothing. I just become fearful every time someone like this succeeds in limiting the experience of others. No one's mind is big enough to be right about all the stuff in this world, so we've got to trust each other to build up the whole of human experience. That means coexisting with things we're not sure about, so live and let live.
*The following post (and my blog in general) is my personal opinion, should not in any way be construed as an expression of or commentary on the policies and positions of my employer.*
At our library, we have monthly displays from local artists. They have ranged from abstracts to watercolor still lifes to Chinese landscapes to portraits. This month we have a beautiful collection of portraits by a prominent local painter and teacher. They are absolutely gorgeous - the man is supremely talented. Most of the paintings are straightforward head and shoulders portraits of young women. One portrait is of a bare breasted woman. It is not in any way sexual, nor is it the first nude that has been included in an exhibition at our library.
Today a patron took issue with that image. He took the time out of his day to approach the desk and complain that it was inappropriate, since the library is a family place and there are children around.
The complaint was noted, with courtesy and respect toward the man's point of view, and he was given the appropriate information to allow him to express his opinion to management.
I dislike complaints of this sort for a number of reasons. First of all, I always get the feeling that people fall back on the "think of the children" argument because something or other makes them vaguely uncomfortable and they need to bolster their bluster. I also strongly disagree with the notion that seeing a bare breast is going to disturb or somehow sully a child. Children breastfeed; do we flip a switch when they stop that makes them unable to comprehend that it's a body part like an elbow or a nose? It's one thing to teach children about privacy, but we often go too far and make them feel like certain parts of them are shameful mysteries. Further, I dislike the implication that the world should be dumbed down to a child's level. Like it or not, this is not a child's world, and the least we can do is offer them realistic information about it.
In the end though, the fact is that everything offends someone. My being offended by this man's indignation accomplishes nothing. I just become fearful every time someone like this succeeds in limiting the experience of others. No one's mind is big enough to be right about all the stuff in this world, so we've got to trust each other to build up the whole of human experience. That means coexisting with things we're not sure about, so live and let live.
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